"Whatever happened to predictability?
The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV?
Miss you old familiar friends waiting just around the bend?
Everywhere you look, everywhere you go
There’s a heart, a hand to hold onto.
Everywhere you look, everywhere you go
There’s a face of somebody who needs you
When you’re lost out there and you’re all alone
A light is waiting to carry you home
Everywhere you look"
Most of you can probably quote these lyrics by heart, because you have watched many episodes of the famous TV Show ‘Full House’ as a child, and maybe even the Netflix spinoff, ‘Fuller House,’ as an adult. Both shows promote morals and I feel like my kids can watch them with me without feeling the need to switch the channel or cover their ears or eyes.
I have been following Candace Cameron Bure, who played D.J. Tanner (Fuller), for many years. She has been a wonderful role model in her career, motherhood, and her marriage. I appreciate her bringing a Christian light to the oftentimes dim world of acting. She is upfront with her beliefs and doesn’t participate in anything that would go against them, even if that means giving up the opportunity to act in some high-profile movies or TV shows.
I read Candace’s book ‘Balancing It All’ in 1 week! I love the way she is able to mix her Christian Faith and life experiences in such a way that can illustrate how to help balance our lives, while making the book flow naturally in a way that is easy to read.
This book has 16 chapters and, in each chapter, Candace gives a principle for ‘Balancing It All’. While they are all great examples of how to balance your life, I chose 7 of them to discuss with you—a girl has to leave something for you to learn while you’re reading this amazing book!
Principle #1
“The truth is, when it comes to children, “monkey see, monkey do” is the name of the game. Even from a young age, kids will do what they see their parents doing, and without some form of intervention they’ll likely continue those patterns throughout their lives.”
How true is this? Sometimes I feel like my kids are deaf at home and parrots in public. Meaning that sometimes I feel like I’d have a more productive conversation with a brick wall than with my children when I am trying to teach them something, or get them moving out the door. However, then they open their tiny little mouths in public and repeat what I have said, although sometimes I wish they wouldn’t.
“If we live the way we want our kids to live, there’s a good chance they’ll pick up on it. When we purposefully live balanced lives and strive to prioritize in ways God wants us to, our kids will see, experience, and emulate that without even knowing it’s happening."
Candace speaks of her childhood years when Kirk was on set for ‘Growing Pains’ and she was on set for ‘Full House,’ and how chaotic life was. The sets were in two different locations and the work hours were long, but enjoyable. One of the things that I commend her parents on was that no matter how chaotic their lives got, they kept their focus on the family. Candace remembers going out to eat as a family on Friday nights after tape night of the show, if it wasn’t too late.
“Even though our lives are sometimes hectic, we make it a point to spend a lot of quality time together. We do not let the chaos intrude upon the areas of life that are more important.”
It is so easy to get caught up in work, social media, a TV show, or whatever else comes at you. It is so easy to get overwhelmed by the stress of work, the worry of the pandemic or politics, or something else that may be weighing on your mind. Typically, when those stressors come, the first thing to go out the window is quality time spent with family. We may think, “Oh, I can spend time with my kids tomorrow.” Or “I can call Grandma tomorrow.” But eventually we will run out of tomorrows. The kids will grow up and move out on their own and Grandma will pass on to the next life.
Candace’s statement, “We do not let the chaos intrude upon the areas of life that are more important.” is something to really think about. How can we let go of chaos and focus on the areas of life that are more important to us? I am sure something came to mind. Grab a notebook and write it down. Set a goal to change.
I would hate for us to wake up one day and realize that we have wasted a lot of time focusing on things that really didn’t matter, rather than focusing on what was most important to us, the ones who are close to our hearts.
“I want to challenge you to take your relationship with those children seriously and recognize the influence you can have not just over the way they live their lives now, but also how they will conduct themselves as adults. You can help break negative patterns in their lives and help train them up in the way they should go.”
Principle #2
“A key point to maintaining a healthy balance is being honest about too much on your plate or a conflict in schedules.”
Candace learned this lesson as a young child from her mother. Candace was in the middle of filming the movie ‘Punchline,’ in which the lines and scenes that were not “child-appropriate” were kept from her, when she received word that she had landed the role of DJ Tanner in ‘Full House.’ She was so excited about this role, however her mom noticed that the filming for ‘Full House’ overlapped with the filming of ‘Punchline.’ Because of her prior commitment, her mom contacted the producers from ‘Full House’ and explained the situation. They liked Candace so much that they adjusted the filming of the pilot so she could attend. “This is one of those everyday type examples of what it looks like to always understand and manage different priorities in your life.”
I know that as a Stay-At-Home-Momma, life can get really crazy sometimes. This is usually when I am trying to balance the schedules of 5 people. I know most of my people are tiny humans, but you would be surprised at the schedules they have! Swim lessons, school, potty training, playing with friends, and not to mention the food! Those kids want a snack every five minutes and if I am not prepared, boy am I in trouble. But all kidding aside, finding balance in scheduling is sometimes hard, even though I am in charge of the schedule, for the most part.
Lately, what has made my schedule hard is the fact that I am down an arm. Motherhood is hard enough with two fully functioning arms, but when one is out of commission (for the most part) it makes life even more difficult. (Side note—I wrecked an ATV last summer and have found out that I tore my rotator cuff, have a disc protrusion, and have carpel tunnel in my hand. This is all in my right arm and I am right-handed.) I have learned two things from all of this: (1) I am never getting on an ATV again. and (2) I have to ask for help.
“Another key lesson about balancing it all—you can’t do it alone. No one can.”
Looking back, Candace was grateful to have her mom’s help in learning how to balance her schedule as a child. Candace started working fulltime at the age of 10. She had to balance not only her acting career, but her education as well. Candace’s mom played a key role helping her maintain balance between working long hours just like an adult and still having time for “kid” things to do.
“When I was ten years old, there is no way I would have been able to balance and prioritize my new life on my own, so I am extremely grateful for my parents’ wisdom and guidance during that time. My parents knew what was important for me. They knew the ways in which they needed to care for me, and they understood the areas where I needed to grow. Children typically don’t have as many things to balance in their lives as adults do, but they do need to grow in a balanced way.”
I have noticed that my children thrive on structure. We have a daily routine that we stick to. This is helpful because they know what’s coming next. Some of the things I include in our daily routine are: having the same naptime and bedtime, same time for meals and snacks, getting dressed, doing hair, time to play and be creative, prayer, and chores.
When creating a routine for your children, or even for yourself, what areas should you focus your attention?
“To have balanced lives, we are to grow in four ways: intellectually, physically, spiritually, and socially.”
Here are a few questions I think are worth asking yourself:
· Is my daily routine (or is my children’s daily routine) allowing me (them) to grow intellectually, physically, spiritually, and socially?
· What am I doing daily to strengthen my mind?
· What am I doing daily to ensure I am moving my body?
· What am I doing daily show God (or your higher power) how much I love Him?
· What am I doing daily to meet my social needs?
Principle #3
“I’ve found that many times my life is out of balance and my priorities need to change because I need to change. The things I do are based on the state of my heart at the time. My heart needs to change so that I can see clearly to make wise choices about how I live my life. My life often gets thrown out of balance when I start considering what is acceptable to the world—our culture, the media, Hollywood, etc.—instead of what is acceptable to God. When I get caught up in what the world deems important, my mind needs to be renewed—something inside me needs to change—in order for me to see and do what God wants for me. I need to see my part in the problem and ask God to transform me from the inside so that I can be in His good, acceptable, and perfect will.”
When Candace was young, she experienced something that unfortunately a lot of young kids experience, her parents separated. At first, she expressed her excitement of shopping for new things to have at her mom’s new place. However, that feeling soon turned into longing for everyone to be together at home.
Candace said that her dad, although he lived a moral life, was not a church-going type of person. So, she was surprised one Sunday when her dad loaded up all of kids and took them to church. As they attended weekly, she started to notice the changes he began to make in his life. Soon, he reached out to her mom and together they mended their marriage.
“When we know something is off track in our lives, typically something inside us needs to change in order to get back on the right path. If your life is out of balance right now and your priorities aren’t right, consider how you might need to change on the inside. Maybe your sense of identity is tied to your job or your boyfriend. Maybe it’s all about being a mom. There are definitely seasons in our life when we need to focus on a particular area of our lives, but we end up in trouble when our identity is tied to what is just supposed to be a priority. Life will definitely end up out of balance. At that point, we need to step back and consider what changes we need to make. But it’s not just about changing our choices related to balance, it’s about changing the way we view ourselves and our lives so that balance flows out of a right heart.”
This may be one of the most difficult principles to adhere to. As humans, we are more likely to blame our imbalance on someone or something else other than ourselves. It’s oftentimes hard to look inward to find the problem. However, as my husband just told me this week, “when everyone is getting on your nerves, something is more likely going on with you, than them.” As much as I wanted him to be wrong, I know he’s right…don’t tell him I told you.
Principle #4
“Think for a minute about the last time you broke out in laughter. Was it sometime today, or was it a long time ago? If you don’t instinctively have fun throughout your life, I want to encourage you to start planning your own entertainment by doing things and being around people that make you happy. Eventually you won’t have to plan it anymore. It will just happen!"
When I was younger, I feel like I was always laughing and having fun with my friends and family. But as I have increased in age, I have decreased in laughter. I am not sure if I somehow learned that a serious personality is a professional personality in business school or I just feel overwhelmed by all of my many to-dos. The truth is, this is an area I need to work on.
About a month ago, my husband’s sisters and their children flew in from Alaska and California to celebrate my in-law’s 50th Wedding Anniversary. My husband’s family’s get-togethers are perfectly summed up by the motto ‘do whatever feels good’—meaning that there isn’t a set schedule, there isn’t a plan, and you need to be prepared for just about anything. The whole weekend I kept begging Scott to know what the plan was, almost to the point of frustration. However, even though it was definitely uncharted territory for me, when I took a breath and just lived in the moment by participating in whatever crazy thing came next…I actually had a great time! My favorite memory from that weekend was all of us gathering around a bonfire and those nephews of mine telling some hilarious stories that made me laugh so hard!
“We must remember to find merriment on a regular basis, whether it’s a planned event or just playing a spontaneous game with your kids. When we have fun, it puts us in a better mood, we smile, and typically we become more positive about things. And, for a while, we might even forget about the hardships in our lives and simply enjoy living. Take a look at the word ‘enjoy’ for a moment. What’s the word within that word? Joy! When we enjoy life, it changes our hearts and our lives. It simply makes us feel better.”
This past week I have been working on finding merriment and laugher in motherhood. I have really made an effort to force a laugh when my kids do something funny or tell me an oftentimes not-so-funny joke. Let me tell you, my laugh is completely fake but my kids bust a gut laughing after they hear my fake laugh which in turn makes me laugh…this time for real. What I’ve noticed from my little experiment is that when I laugh—even a forced fake one—I am in a better mood and so are my kids.
Principle #5
“When a man feels like his wife doesn’t respect him, it basically makes him feel like he’s a failure or less of a man. A man desires his wife’s respect just as much as a woman desires her husband’s love. The way I think about it is this: When I don’t show respect to my husband, he feels the same way I do when he doesn’t show love to me. On the other hand, when I do show him respect, his emotional reaction is the same as mine is when he shows me I’m the love of his life. That is great motivation for me to respect my husband.”
I have typed a sentence and then deleted it for the past 10 minutes and I am still left without the right words for this section. All I can think of is the phrase my junior high and high school history teacher, Mr. Brindle, would say to us on the topic of marriage when it arose, “you must agree to disagree agreeably.”
I do not proclaim myself to be an expert on the topic of marriage or even an expert in my own marriage, but I do know that when my husband and I disagree on a topic, agreeing to disagree is an ok place to be. I believe that it’s important to hear out both sides of the issue and by hear, I mean actually listen and try to understand it from the other person’s perspective. Asking questions helps, at least in my marriage, to further understand where the other person is coming from. It’s important to not raise your voice and show your spouse the respect they deserve.
“Is it more important for me to be “right” or “get the last word” or simply do what I want to do regardless of his feelings or input, or is it more important for my husband to feel cherished and respected?”
This is a question that I feel we should all take a mental note of and recall it in the midst of a marital disagreement. Of course, for me at least, it is more important for my husband to feel cherished and respected than for me to be right!
The amazing part about all of this is that each spouse comes from a different culture—meaning you were each raised differently, with different rules, expectations, experiences, etc.—and you each have something of value to bring to the table because of it. I believe that this fact alone, although it is frustrating at times, can be one of the greatest tools in your marriage toolbox if used properly. It has the power to help you avoid possible hardships, gain a better understanding of one another, and ultimately make better decisions for marriage and family.
Principle #6
“Have you ever trained or worked toward something your whole life, only to eventually be kept from doing it?”
Candace had just finished ‘Full House’ by the time she married Val. With Val being a professional hockey player for the Montreal Canadiens and her career taking place, for the most part, in LA, she was left with the hard decision of putting her acting career on hold for a time to be able to live in the same country as her husband. Then Natasha was born. There she was a new wife, a new mom, and living in a new country.
“As much as I was looking forward to my new role as wife, cheerleader, and homemaker, I felt like the wind had been knocked out from me when I couldn’t work anymore. It’s not that I found my value or my worth from work, but it was a creative outlet, a part of me that God specifically designed that was suddenly gone. It felt like I lost a piece of me.”
This is the exact way I felt when I took on the role of wife and mother in an instant. I quit my job—that I loved so much—to become a full-time mother and housewife, and I had no clue how to define that role. The only example I had on how to be a stay-at-home Momma was from TV. (My mother stayed home with me before my dad died, but I was really young and I don’t really remember what she did, other than playing with me.) I had worked since I was about 10 years old. I started cleaning the hair-brushes for my mom and her friend at her friend’s salon. For almost 20 years, I had worked. I knew what was expected of me and I knew what income I had to work with. Then all of a sudden, I didn’t know what was expected of me, I was dependent on someone’s income, and I had to learn how to be a mom to two little girls, one of whom was very sick at the time. I felt just like Candace, while I loved finally being able to be a mother, I also felt as if I had lost a piece of me.
“I had to surrender to the fact that that part of me wouldn’t be fulfilled for a season of my life. Sometimes making the right choice means not loving everything that results from that decision. Giving up work was a sacrifice I had to make in order to make the best decision for my family at that time.”
I agree with Candace, I have come to terms with the fact that a part of me won't be fulfilled in this season of life. I can’t imagine us paying daycare costs for 3 children so I could work. I think I’d basically be trading my income for daycare. I'd also be allowing someone else to raise my babies and for me that's not ok. (I understand that others may choose the opposite, which may be right for them, their circumstance, and their family. We all need to live by the motto "You do what's best for you!")
You know what? I am actually starting to enjoy being a Stay-At-Home Momma. I plan to start working from home when the kids are in school, but I don’t really ever see me going back to a traditional 9-5 job.
Principle #7
“When it comes down to it, balancing life is never easy and nobody is going to do it perfectly every single day. We all need to realize that it’s just not possible. Balancing it all is about prioritizing and reevaluating each day’s priorities. There are some things that are important every day—like God and family—and others that aren’t always as important, like work. And in reality, God and family will overlap with pretty much everything we do in a day. There are some days when I have to focus most of my energy on my work, and that’s okay because my other priorities are part of why I work. I have a job to help support my family. I work as a way to be a godly influence in the lives of the people who watch the projects I’m a part of or who come to the Christian women’s conferences where I speak.”
Sometimes I feel we are too hard on ourselves to be perfect—the perfect spouse, the perfect parent, the perfect child, the perfect employee, the perfect_______—when all we need to really be is ourselves and love ourselves in every season of life.
“I believe we all need to learn to give ourselves grace each day and take a deep breath, especially when we just can’t do it all. I’m still learning to accept God’s grace on a daily basis and recognize the pressure of high expectations I put on myself. I don’t always keep it all balanced, and I have my moments of self-doubt. But ultimately I know I can do all things through Christ who breaks and then strengthens me.”
No matter what religious affiliation you associate with, I believe that the concept of grace can be applied. You would give your friend or your child grace when they just can’t seem to keep up with all of their responsibilities in certain seasons of their lives, so why wouldn’t you do the same for yourself?
If your life seems to be spinning out of control, there is a lot you can learn from Mrs. Candace Cameron Bure! This book is full of wonderful and practical advice, that can stop your world from spinning and give you a steady foundation to stand on. I encourage you to read her words and apply her teachings. There is a lot of wisdom to be found in the book ‘Balancing It All.’
All quotes were taken directly from
‘Balancing It All’
Written by Candace Cameron Bure
Theme Song was quoted from
'Full House' and 'Fuller House'
*I do not own the rights to this song.*
To follow Candace Cameron Bure or to purchase her book, ‘Balancing It All,’ please visit the following links:
I would also recommend her book ‘Kind Is The New Classy.’ To purchase this book, please visit the following link:
Here is my little review of this book, before I had a Blog. Enjoy!
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