Let’s get in my imaginary time machine and go back to October 2020. Why October 2020? That’s the time when I hit my Breaking Point.
2020 was a difficult year for me, just as I know it was difficult for many of you. In February 2020, my horrific migraines started. I was soon bounced from doctor to doctor, from medicine to medicine, for months, and none of it helped. By the time October rolled around, I was done! I was done with doctors, done with useless medications, and done with life!
For months, I had been praying that the pain would go away and for a friend. Someone to talk to, other than family, that would just listen and try to understand what I was going through. With the Pandemic in full circle, I felt shut off from all adult contact. I, all of a sudden, wasn’t allowed to see my friends, go to church, talk to other moms at the park, or even talk to people in line while I was waiting to pay for my groceries. Other than my husband, most days, I didn’t see any other adults. My prayers remained unanswered. I was still in pain and didn’t have a friend.
I knew that if the Doctors, the Medications, and God weren’t helping, I had to take matters into my own hands! I purchased a shelf full of Nutrition Books, I subscribed to just about every Health and Wellness Podcast, and I went to work!
One of the Podcasts that I listened to regularly was the Motivation for Moms Podcast by Sara Muender. I subscribed to this one about a year prior and seemed to find it helpful. In October, she had just launched her new 12-Week Breakthrough Program and was giving one lucky Momma the opportunity to complete the Program for free! I put down my dishrag, sat down in my chair, and filled out the online application. I decided to be completely open and honest about where I was, how I had got there, and where I longed to be.
I didn’t think much about applying for the Program, until November 2nd. I had spent the morning canning applesauce and didn’t want to stop the process when I had received a text. Awhile later, I ran downstairs to change the laundry and remembered the missed text. I pulled out my phone and read, “Hi, this is Sara Muender! Is this Amber?” I was shocked and honestly a bit Star Struck! I sent her a quick reply. Soon, I found myself reading these words, “I received your application among many for the 12-week coaching scholarship. I’d love to offer it to you, if you’re still interested in doing this for yourself Amber.” WOW! I had actually WON! She called me later to go over the details. I was so nervous to talk to someone I had admired for a while, but she was so kind and really easy to talk to.
I was honored to be featured on her Instagram page and given a special shoutout on her Podcast! I was definitely given my "five minutes of fame!"
I started this amazing Journey the following week and I just finished the Program last week. While I don’t want to share everything that I learned, as to not take away from Sara’s Program, I do want to share a few things that I have learned and completed that were key in my personal growth. One of the first assignments was to write a Letter of Commitment to myself. This became important to me as it gives me something to look back on when I am struggling and need something motivational to grab onto. I’d like to share with you what I wrote.
Dear Amber,
I dedicate this Journal in honor of the person you are trying to and will become, while remembering and showing respect for the person you were in the past!
That person you were in the past was strong enough to walk you through some dark difficult times—most of which you walked alone—straight to the life you live now! Straight to the life where you have a loving husband and 3 beautiful baby girls! A life where you never have to walk through the dark difficult times alone and oftentimes, he’s the one holding the flashlight for you!
So, if you must look back, look back with a thankful heart! Give thanks to the person you were in the past, because only she was able to get you here!
Remember the things you love about yourself now! You already know you are strong, because of your past! You are a goal-oriented person and crush the ones you put your mind to! You enjoy talking to people and making them feel comfortable around you! You are a great mom, because you would do almost anything for those little girls and most days you give them everything you have! You are a good wife and you have a healthy marriage!
When times get hard, remember who you are! A.STRONG.BEAUTIFUL.WOMAN. YOU can do anything you put your mind to! What about if you fail? Remember that Failure = Lessons to be Learned and if you learn a lesson than it’s really not a failure.
I wish someone would say to me more often that you’ve got this! YOU can do anything YOU put your mind to! Don’t let others get inside your head and tell YOU how to be YOU!! YOU and only YOU get to decide! Since no one will probably ever say this to you, I am telling you: YOU’VE FREAKING GOT THIS!! So, get up, wipe the dust off your knees, dry your tears, hold your head high, straighten your crown, (for YOU are a beloved daughter of a KING) and get to work!
I commit to bettering myself! I commit to learning, growing, and stretching myself! I commit to putting in the time and effort needed to succeed!
I am excited to feel more confident in myself, myself as a mother, and myself as a wife! I am excited to let go of my past and embrace my future! I am excited to be able to recognize my purpose! I am excited to meet the new me!
Here’s to our future!
Love,
Amber
This letter to myself always seems to make me tear up, yet it gives me the strength to move forward. I think everyone needs something like this in their lives.
One of the other key components of my personal growth was learning to change my Limiting Beliefs into Empowering Beliefs. I never really understood how much my Limiting Beliefs were holding me back. Here is an example from my Journal:
Limiting Belief
•I am not their "real" mother. She could have done it better.
•I am not like other moms.
•Evil Stepmoms are in all of the Disney Movies.
Empowering Belief
•I may not have given birth to Nora & Kennedy but I did choose them to be my children and I love them both as if they came from me! I am their mother for a reason.
•Truth is, I am not like other moms and that's a good thing!
•The world needs to change their view of Stepmoms, by 1st removing the word "Step!" A step is something you walk on and you don't walk on family! I will NEVER stop trying to be the BEST mother for my kids, because I love them and that's what they deserve!
The last key component of my personal growth was learning about Self-Sabotaging Behaviors. Sara said, “We Self-Sabotage when we knowingly or unknowingly act against our own best interest, undermining success in our goals or intentions.” Here are a couple of my Self-Sabotaging Behaviors:
Example #1
Behavior
I want to improve my relationship with Nora, but what I actually do is push her away and get upset with her over little things. Which leads to us arguing and not understanding each other. This leaves me feeling worthless as a mother.
Function
One possible reason for my Self-Sabotaging Behavior is I feel like I can never have a close relationship with her like her Birth Mom did. My brain is saving me from the pain of getting close to her and her not wanting me.
New Behavior
A new behavior that would support the outcome I want would be to let go of the idea that our relationship has to be like or better than the one she had with her Birth Mom. Instead, create a new relationship that works for us and is our own that we share. I need to get on her level and meet her where she’s at. I need to remember she’s 5 and it’s ok to make mistakes and not be perfect. I need to make her feel special and loved.
Example #2
Behavior
I want to be kind to myself, have positive self-talk, and show myself compassion, but what I actually do is say mean things to or about myself when I’m frustrated. Which leads me to believe the things that I’m saying and leaves me feeling depressed and worthless.
Function
One possible reason for my Self-Sabotaging Behavior is my fear of failure. Another reason may be that if I say those mean things about myself it will lessen the blow of the failure. Maybe in some ways I’m saving myself some pain?
New Behavior
A new behavior that would support the outcome I want would be to change my perspective of failure. No one truly fails if they learn from it and change something to succeed! I am a warrior because when I fall, I get back up and keep moving forward! The only person that my negative self-talk is hurting is me. If I treat myself with kindness and compassion, I have all the tools I need to succeed!
Working on improving my Self-Sabotaging Behaviors is an ongoing process. I now understand that our brains automatically think negative thoughts, because they are wired that way to protect us from harm. It’s not entirely our fault! We have to make a conscious effort everyday to change our thoughts from negative to positive. This isn’t always easy so I have created a few “fail-safes” to aide me in the process, especially when I have had a terrible day that leaves me with my stress and anxiety through the roof! Feel free to borrow a few of mine or create your own.
AMBER’S FAIL-SAFES
1. “HALT-O” – Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Overwhelmed (Our moods are typically a side affect of something else.)
2. Deep Breathing (Breathing in for 4 and out for 6)
3. Meditation
4. Go for a Walk
5. Create a “Bad Mood” Playlist – Music that gets your “booty” moving. — Have a Dance Party!
6. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Calm Down
· 5 Things you can See
· 4 Things you can Touch
· 3 Things you can Hear
· 2 Things you can Smell
· 1 Thing you can Taste
7. Read the Motivational Letter written by my Mom listing all of the things she loves about me.
8. Read my Letter of Commitment
I am proud of myself for being brave enough to complete this Program! I am proud to say that I have improved my relationship with Nora, my family, and myself! I am proud of myself for making changes, recognizing my improvements, and learning to celebrate them! I am proud to say that I have rediscovered my purpose in Motherhood and I am actually finding JOY in it! I am proud to say I have realized what I want to do for a career! I am proud to say that I love my body, my mind, and my quirks! I am proud to be Amber Bostwick!
I want to thank Sara Muender for giving me this life-changing opportunity! Thank you for seeing in me what I didn’t see in myself! Thank you for answering my prayer and providing me with a much-needed friendship!
My friends, change is possible! If you feel like you are overwhelmed or buried alive in life, make a change. Make the commitment to discover one way you can carve a step in the hole you have buried yourself in. Then you celebrate that one step you have created! You tell yourself, “I am proud of myself for being brave enough to create that first step!” Then you get to work and carve another and another, stopping along the way to celebrate your breakthroughs, and you keep going until you find yourself on solid ground again! Then you don’t stop there, you keep going and finding new ways to build a staircase! This staircase has the power to take you wherever you want to go and maybe, just maybe, it will you lead you to a place you never thought was possible! On your journey, just remember my one piece of advice: If you must look back, look back to help the next person in line! You take that person by the hand and pull them up, even if that means pushing them ahead in front of you!
If you need help, I am here. You can send me a message or an email. You can reach out to Sara. Just reach out to someone! Don’t wait! You are worth it! Your family is worth it! YOU can change! All you have to do is take the first step!
ARE YOU READY TO MAKE A BREAKTHROUGH?
Develop Better Habits
Strengthen Your Relationships
Become Happier, Healthier. & More Organized
Make & Keep Commitments To Yourself
Change Your Life
Create a Better YOU
Here are a few ways to get in touch with Sara Muender:
Here are a few ways to get in touch with me:
Email: healthlylikeabos@gmail.com
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